HARD DAY

Today was a pretty rough day for me and Zach. I left Zach in the nursery today at Church and he was fussy when I left but I thought he would be ok after I left. I had my pager so I knew if they needed me, I would be paged. I had been in Church for about an hour when my sister in laws niece Rachel who works in the nursery came to get me. Apparently the pager I had was put into the wrong sleeve so when they paged me, another person got the page and came for their child. When I went to get Zach, he was so distraught it was like he didnt even recognize me at first when I tried to hold him and comfort him. No matter what I did or said, he just kept screaming and arching himself backwards. Zachary has not had an easy time in the nursery but I was hoping that the more we went, the easier it would be for him. The only other time I have seen him as upset as he was this morning was the first night home from Vietnam. The lady who was holding him had taken his sweater off because he was sweating so much from being upset. I could not even get his sweater back on. I finally was able to get his jacket on and he started to settle down a little bit as we started to leave. I finally got him to the car and in his carseat and then when I got in the car, I started crying. I felt so helpless that I was unable to comfort him and kept questioning myself if I was doing the right thing by leaving him in the nursery. I have to keep reminding myself that it has only been a little over 3 months since he has left the orphanage. Does he associate the nursery and all the kids with the orphanage and the women in the nursery as nannies???? I wish I knew what he was thinking. I need Zach to know I am here for him when he needs me and I was so upset the pager didn't work. My poor brother called shortly after this happened and as soon as he asked about Zach, I lost it again. I felt really bad afterwards as the reason he called was to tell us they had to put their beloved dog Duke to sleep Friday. My sister in law had just wrote about Duke in her blog http://www.tuesdaywithteri.wordpress.com/ Duke was a wonderful part of the family and he will be missed. My brother assured me I was not messing Zach up by leaving him so I guess we will try it again next Sunday. I will make sure the pager works though before I leave. I feel really bad for the people who work in the nursery who also try to comfort Zach when he gets upset. The poor lady who was holding him when I got there said she started crying too she felt so bad for him. Thanks to everyone who helped him today. He fell fast asleep shortly after we left church. He was so worn out. When he woke up, he was his usual self. I just wish he would feel comfortable in the nursery and know I will be back for him in a little bit. Anyway, I will try to post some more pics in next couple days.