HARD DAY

Today was a pretty rough day for me and Zach. I left Zach in the nursery today at Church and he was fussy when I left but I thought he would be ok after I left. I had my pager so I knew if they needed me, I would be paged. I had been in Church for about an hour when my sister in laws niece Rachel who works in the nursery came to get me. Apparently the pager I had was put into the wrong sleeve so when they paged me, another person got the page and came for their child. When I went to get Zach, he was so distraught it was like he didnt even recognize me at first when I tried to hold him and comfort him. No matter what I did or said, he just kept screaming and arching himself backwards. Zachary has not had an easy time in the nursery but I was hoping that the more we went, the easier it would be for him. The only other time I have seen him as upset as he was this morning was the first night home from Vietnam. The lady who was holding him had taken his sweater off because he was sweating so much from being upset. I could not even get his sweater back on. I finally was able to get his jacket on and he started to settle down a little bit as we started to leave. I finally got him to the car and in his carseat and then when I got in the car, I started crying. I felt so helpless that I was unable to comfort him and kept questioning myself if I was doing the right thing by leaving him in the nursery. I have to keep reminding myself that it has only been a little over 3 months since he has left the orphanage. Does he associate the nursery and all the kids with the orphanage and the women in the nursery as nannies???? I wish I knew what he was thinking. I need Zach to know I am here for him when he needs me and I was so upset the pager didn't work. My poor brother called shortly after this happened and as soon as he asked about Zach, I lost it again. I felt really bad afterwards as the reason he called was to tell us they had to put their beloved dog Duke to sleep Friday. My sister in law had just wrote about Duke in her blog http://www.tuesdaywithteri.wordpress.com/ Duke was a wonderful part of the family and he will be missed. My brother assured me I was not messing Zach up by leaving him so I guess we will try it again next Sunday. I will make sure the pager works though before I leave. I feel really bad for the people who work in the nursery who also try to comfort Zach when he gets upset. The poor lady who was holding him when I got there said she started crying too she felt so bad for him. Thanks to everyone who helped him today. He fell fast asleep shortly after we left church. He was so worn out. When he woke up, he was his usual self. I just wish he would feel comfortable in the nursery and know I will be back for him in a little bit. Anyway, I will try to post some more pics in next couple days.

Well I have made it thru my 2nd week of work and I must admit things have gone a lot smoother than what I thought it would. Zach is doing great with his grammie . I miss him so much during the day but I take a 15 minute break in the morning and afternoon with him and also I see him during lunch. His little face just lights up when he sees me. It is so precious. I so look forward to my day off on Thursday and the weekends when I can spend all day with him. Yesterday my mom and I had a meeting with Rebuild Northwest Florida where we qualified to get free hurricane shutters and new garage door and roof straps, etc. Anyway, I thought we would basically be going to sign paperwork. We had Zachary with us and when we got there, found out we had to listen to presentation that would describe the work that would be done before we signed paperwork. Yikes. Zachary had already been out all day but he was sooo good. He just looked at the slide show, ate some cheerios and did great. When we were leaving, the director of the program told me that Zach was one of the best behaved children he had ever seen that had come there. Of course I was one proud momma . Well we finally made it back to Church and nursery last Sunday after being away for 3 weeks due to Zach being sick and now it looks like he is getting sick again. He had a temp today of 103 and finally got it down to 100 with some baby motrin. Looks like he is starting to get a runny nose again. Hopefully it does not turn into anything like it was the last time as he was one sick kiddo. I received an update from Children's Hope that there will be a delegation from Vietnam coming to the US in March or April to meet with representatives from Dept of State, Congressional members, agencies and also want to meet with families who have adopted from Vietnam to see how well the children are adjusting with their adoptive families. Vietnam is wanting to learn more about the Hague implementation and to move along the negotiation process toward a new MOU(Memorandum of Understanding). This is wonderful and encouraging news and hopefully Vietnam will open up again soon to adoptions with the US. There were so many children left behind after the shutdown and it is always in the back of my mind that Zach would be one of them if I had not had my official referral by Sept 1, 2008. I believe I received the "official" referral about a week before the shutdown. I thank God everyday for my son and that he is here with me.

Below is a video of Zach saying his first word bye bye.

TRAPPED

I started back to work this week. It is something I had been dreading for awhile now. The first day was pretty rough. There was alot of crying and feeling anxious but I made it. Zachary did great with his Grammie. I was so relieved. Although it is hard not being with him all the time, I am grateful I can still work from home and spend lunchtime with my little guy. Plus, when the work day ends, I just step into another room and I am with Zach for the rest of the evening. I am so grateful to my mom for wanting to keep Zachary so he does not have to go into daycare. I can never repay her for doing that. I think she actually has a great time with him during the day. My nephew Michael who just adores Zach(the feeling is mutual) came over on my first day back to work to help Grammie. He and Zach had a great time. Michael will make a great father one day. Zachary is feeling a lot better. He finally got rid of his cough and runny nose. We missed church again(3rd Sunday in a row) as Zach was still coughing some and his nose was running. I am afraid we will have to start from scratch again when it comes to getting use to the nursery.

As of now, we are not able to go anywhere in the car. I went to open the garage and it would not open. It looks like a cable snapped or something. I cannot even open it manually. We had some neighbors come look and they could not open it either. Zach had his first year checkup tomorrow morning which I have to cancel as cannot get the car out. Hopefully the garage door man can come early tomorrow so we can get out and do errands later. Otherwise, may have to call my sister to bring us some groceries(haha). Zachary finally is holding his bottle some and will now put food into his mouth himself with a little help. He is growing so fast. We are constantly having to rearrange things as his little arms seem to grow longer each day. What he couldn't reach one day, it seems he can reach the next. He is talking and babbling alot more and for the most part, is a very happy baby. I am so grateful for my son. I posted a couple pics of Zach and his cousin Michael.

Zach and Michael playing

All of a sudden I noticed it got quite. I peeked out of my office and this is what I found. So sweet. They wore each other out.